What is RAD?

Caring for the children is often stressful but caring for a child with RAD can be even harder. It is not easy sometimes to figure out where behaviors are coming from when trying to help redirect a child. 

Many children in they system are often not diagnosed soon enough or properly to get the support they need for RAD. Can you imagine trying to love and care for a child that has no bonding mechanisms and displays manipulative behavior as young as a year old? 


In case you are not aware of this horrible condition:Reactive attachment disorder is a rare but serious condition in which an infant or young child doesn't establish healthy attachments with parents or caregivers. Reactive attachment disorder may develop if the child's basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren't met and loving, caring, stable attachments with others are not established.With treatment, children with reactive attachment disorder may develop more stable and healthy relationships with caregivers and others. Treatments for reactive attachment disorder include positive child and caregiver interactions, a stable, nurturing environment, psychological counseling, and parent or caregiver education.

These videos give you tons of information and a glimpse into the life of someone who has RAD and how it takes a toll on those who love them.

Thankfully with proper intervention and treatment many children can learn to trust and build strong relationships. If it wasn't for the support of foster parents some children would never overcome this. 

If you think you may have a child with RAD there is support out there. Some of the  signs a child may have RAD include:

Very self-reliant / independent 

Overly critical of other people

Passive-Aggressive behavior

Seems too busy for social life

Jealousy

Emotionally overindulgent once in a relationship

Failure to maintain long-term relationships

Trust, Anger, and Control Issues

Resists Love & Guidance

Confusion and helplessness

Irresponsible

Foster Care Adoption

As a foster parent each child placed in our home is for something different in one way or another. Some of these children you may have in your home for a few days others for years. Failed adoptions from the foster care system are a brutal experience for everyone involved.

Some "Bio" parents work hard to overcome struggles and reunification happens which is always the fist goal of the system. While we as foster parents are happy the children are going home we are left with the grief and loss of a beloved member of our family.

A fellow foster parent from Michigan Marcia VanWolvelaere shared  her positive story with me.

"They were 23 months old. With us from 3 weeks right from NICU. Reunification at 16 months for 17 days-- 7 of which they spent with us while bio mom was out of state for work."


Reunification took place for these kiddos that was not successful, and they were returned to the foster care system. It took almost 2 full years from removal to adoption. I am here to tell you that those 2 years contained some of the most emotional ups and downs anyone could possibly imagine. You can see in the picture the absolute joy in these adoptive parents faces on adoption day!

But things do no always go this well; I was not able to find a concrete percentage on the number of completed vs failed adoptions in the united states but the number is high in general.

Some would argue that the reason behind lack of/failed adoptions relates directly to the red tape and slow court systems. The Mare website currently states there are 304 children in Michigan needing an adoptive home; there are thousands! Many children are in residential facilities because no foster homes are available, many of which will become open for adoption.

In older children, one of the number one causes of failed placements is behavioral issues. These children need many more services and supports then we are currently offering them.

We need to make changes to turn the system from failed adoptions to successful ones!

The Ugly Red Tape

For any parent keeping our emotions in check as we try to navigate parenthood can be difficult, as foster parents it's a million times harder. As if changing diapers, wiping runny noses and calming meltdowns wasn’t enough to send any mommy running to the closet for a wine break- many of us feel we are fighting the system to get our kids the support they need. 

Words like DOC level, medical subsidy, clothing allowance, mileage check (whats that.....LOL), pre-trial, TPR & early on are sure to spark conversation and frustration! The need for foster homes is massive yet each year more and more homes close their license, why?

After speaking with foster parents I found many leave the system feeling defeated, broken and frustrated. Rules are inconsistent, payments are slow or do not come at all, services needed for the kids are nonexistent and well, we are just plain tired.

For those who do not foster, it may seem that we only have negative things to say about the system..  Truth is, we experience many positive things as foster/adoptive parents like wine, BOGO sales and respite weekends (insert sarcasm). So please do us a favor, never ask us the following:

How much money do you make? 

We are not in it for the money, if you’re doing it right- you will spend WAY more than you receive

 Whats the deal with the parents?

Really? Does it matter? None of your business.

 Wont they break your stuff and act out? I couldn’t do it.

They might, these children are products of their environment. They need love, consistency, support services and so much more. That is what I am here for! And no, they do not need a spanking.

 I could never do it, it would be too hard for me.

Yes, being a foster parent is difficult- we rant about the system, we have sleepless nights, we cry, we experience extreme loss, BUT we also see progress and experience great joy too!

While each foster parent struggles in their own way to change the lives of the children we care for, we all do it for the kids. Fostering is not for the faint of heart you have to be willing to go toe to toe with the powers that be for children that need it! Get those boxing gloves out and join us in this crazy world we call fostering. 

Top 10 Reason Children Enter Foster Care

Many people outside the world of the foster care system seem to think that only "BAD" parents have their children taken from them; usually temporarily and sometimes permanently.  Before I became a foster parent I was quick to assume why someone had "lost" a child to the system.  Since I started fostering children I am shocked at how off base I really was..

The top 10 reasons for a child being removed are.

1.  Physical Abuse

2.  Sexual Abuse

3.  Neglect

4.  Medical Neglect

5.   Incarceration

6.   Abandonment

7.   Truancy

8.   Death

9.   Voluntarily placed

10. Juvenile Offender

I never thought about the death of a parent being the cause of a child entering the foster care system, nor did I ever think about a parent voluntarily placing a child in the system. Truth is, these situations happen often.

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It is a well-known fact in the foster community that older children are harder to place; some are in care to no fault of their own and others are juvenile offenders whose parents could no longer deal with the child's needs.

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As a foster parent is my job to provide a safe, loving environment for the children until they can go home or find their forever homes. At times this is way easier said than done, there is no magic pill, no answer to every question. Some days I want to rip my hair out and hide in the bathroom with a bottle of wine. Other days I am so proud of the leaps forward my foster children have made it reminds me why I do what I do.

In one of my foster care communities I reached out to see what topics they thought non foster parents should know. Best Answer: "I think that people too often believe that kids are in foster care because the parents don't want or love them. Most of the bios I have dealt with truly love their kids but simply lack the skills (or sometimes the motivation) to care them properly".

So, which is it? Lack of skills or lack of love?? What can we as a community do to help provide parents with better skills to cope and proper resources to keep or reunite children with their families ?

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